Why Integrative Law Matters for Divorcing Couples: A Conversation With A Psychotherapist



Kate Scharff,a  Washington D.C. psychotherapist, wrote this comment after reading a recent article of mine about Neuro-Literacy for Lawyers, published  in Family Lawyer Magazine:

Kate Scharff on August 6, 2013 at 2:54 pm said:

Pauline: I’m a mental health professional trained in Object Relations Theory (ORT), an outgrowth of classic analytic thinking. ORT holds with the common-sense notion that we are born with the inherent need to be in relationships, and that our early relational patterns form templates for later modes of relating– the more trauma contained in these patterns, the more rigidly predictive they become. Treatment is based on the idea that (within the context of a safe therapeutic container, and by using the relationship to the therapist as both a laboratory and a change agent), these templates can be modified.

So I’m used to thinking about how patterns are laid down in the psyche– but the brain science is mainly new to me. Your article is incredibly helpful in underscoring the neurobiological underpinnings for our experience of powerfully affective moments in a Collaborative case in which the trauma of the moment becomes a re-traumatization– not only for the client in question, but for others in the room whose own internal relational worlds are (unconsciously) activated.

Your work is important for many reasons, not the least of which is that it offers empirical support for the crucial notion that while moments in which our clients are emotionally flooded may not be moments in which they can think rationally,  they are the moments with transformative potential.

And speaking of the internal worlds of the professionals: not a revolutionary thought, but I do see the traditional adversarial construct as an elaborative intellectual defense against the threat of reactivation of our own trauma posed by the upsetting content of our work.

Thank you for the ways you continue to push us the edge of our capacities to integrate new ideas, expand our paradigms, and up our games. I’m generally not a fan of the word “inspirational,” but I can’t think of a better one.

Kate Scharff

I replied today:

Kate, I deeply appreciate this thoughtful and thought-provoking response to my article. Professionals working on trust-based, carefully guided collaborative teams know from experience that potentialities for transformative resolution can emerge at the negotiating table and that we can help clients profoundly if we learn to see and work in new ways with what’s in front of us.

Some longtime collaborative colleagues have mistakenly thought that my commitment to teaching “neuro-literacy” means I’ve left collaborative practice behind. Far from it. The language of the paradigm shift that was able to shock us out of habit-based divorce practice twenty years ago has become somewhat rote in our community, another box to be ticked in the list of what to discuss in a basic training, or a handy phrase for labeling difficulties we may be experiencing with other collaborative professionals.

For me, getting excellent at our work has always been about “aha” moments, about deeply understanding as much as possible about ourselves as the gorillas in the conflict resolution room, rather than about checklists and protocols (which are necessary but not nearly sufficient).

An 800 pound gorilla in the room

An 800 pound gorilla in the room

The Integrative Law Institute is my vehicle for learning and teaching more about this in a way that is fresh, challenging, and intellectually exciting. Starting with the hard science takes knowledge of decision science, positive psychology, neuro-economics, and the many other vectors of integrative law out of the realm of the optional. It’s proving to be quite an effective way to reach traditional adversarial lawyers who too often dismiss other ways of teaching self-reflective, mindful practice as “kumbaya” stuff of interest mainly to vegetarians in Birkenstocks rather than an important part of what every family law needs to know.


Your Tweets Reveal your Psychological Type to Big Business Advertisers


Your Social Media Posts are Psychologically Profiling You for Big Business

Your Social Media Posts May Soon Be  Setting You Up to  Buy More

IBM to test people’s psychology through Twitter posts – The Times of India.

We are just that much closer to Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World with the announcement (first published today in the Times of India’s Social Media blog) that IBM is analyzing Twitter users’ posts to mine information about each writer’s personality typology so that ads can not only be targeted for content and location, but also be framed in terms tailored to appeal most strongly to the psychological profile of the reader.

IBM is developing software that classifies the  psychological type of Twitter users, from their tweets.  The company intends to sell the software widely to businesses that market their wares online.

This is one of many emerging efforts by psychologists to create analytic tools that can offer a quick glimpse of an individual’s psychological type so that communications can be shaped in ways that are most likely to be heard.  Psychiatrists are experimenting with quick “seat of the pants” ways to determine basic psychological typology when doing initial interviews with psychiatric inpatients, and rumor has it that more than a few companies are training telephone bank employees to do the same, using “quick and dirty” instruments adapted from the Myers-Briggs test. The idea is that with this information the speaker can then talk in ways that are much likelier to be heard.

It’s spooky when methods like these lead to increasingly invasive  large-scale hucksterism.  But it’s a  different question whether lawyers might consider using such tools to do a better job of communicating with their individual clients. Surely it could only help if we lawyers learned how to speak analytically to thinking types, but  in relational terms to feeling types, for instance.  Similarly, learning how  differently people who are “judgment” and “perception” types process information to reach conclusions can make us more patient with clients whose typology differs from our own, and can help us do a better job of counseling them about the personal factors that may underlie legal disputes.  Integrative lawyers–and any lawyer–can benefit from any tool that improves the quality of our communications with distressed clients.

From the post:

“The software develops a personality profile based on a person’s most recent few hundred or thousand Twitter updates and then scores the ‘big five’ traits namely, extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and openness to experience.

Zhou said that the software might help companies to tune marketing messages sent by email or social media, or to select the promotional content displayed when a customer logs in to his or her account.

A researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, Andrew Schwartz said that it seems reasonable that personality would be useful for presenting ads that resonate better with the recipient, the report added.”

Outstanding Jurist Joins Integrative Law Institute Advisory Board

Judge Kevin Burke

Judge Kevin Burke

Kevin Burke’s official title is  District Judge in Hennepin County, Minnesota, but he is much more than that:   one of the most recognized leaders within the American judiciary today. 

During Judge Burke’s  four terms as Chief Judge and three terms as Assistant Chief Judge of the Hennepin County Courts,  he instituted social science studies – and reforms improving – procedural fairness in the court system, in ways that enhance public respect for and confidence in our judicial system itself. Among his achievements are serving as the Chair of the Minnesota Conference of Chief Judges and of  the State Board of Public Defense.  He was a leader in the effort to improve and expand the Minnesota’s public defender system, a vital link in the public’s perception of fairness in criminal proceedings.

            Judge Burke has been recognized by his peers for extraordinary leadership and creativity.  He was named one of the 100 most influential lawyers in the history of Minnesota by that state’s Law & Politics magazine.  In 1996 he received the Toll Fellowship, which  identifies emerging  leaders from all three branches of state government across the United States.  In 1997 he received the Director’s Community Leadership Award from the Federal Bureau of Investigation.  In 2002 the National Center for State Courts awarded him its Distinguished Service Award.  In 2003 he was selected as the William H. Rehnquist Award recipient by the National Center for State Courts.  The Rehnquist Award is presented annually to a state judge who exemplifies the highest level of judicial excellence, integrity, fairness and professional ethics.  He was named Public Official of the Year by Governing Magazine in 2004.  In 2005 the Minnesota Chapter of the American Board of Trial Advocates named him Trial Judge of the Year.  The American Bar Association named him Judicial Educator of the year in 2010.

Judge Burke teaches at the University of Minnesota and University of St. Thomas law schools.  For many years he served on the faculty of the University of Minnesota Humphrey Institute’s Reflective Leadership Program.  Currently, Judge Burke is teaching the principles of neuro-literacy to judges across the U.S. and elsewhere; he has been a speaker in 38 states as well as Abu Dhabi, Canada, Egypt, Mexico, China, India and Ireland regarding improvement in judicial administration and court leadership.

Judge Burke has authored numerous articles, including (as co-author) two American Judges Association White Papers, “Procedural Fairness:  A Key Ingredient in Public Satisfaction” and “Minding the Court:  Enhancing the Decision-Making Process.”  He presently serves on the Board of the Institute for the Reform of the American Legal System.  He is a past Board member of the National Center for State Courts and the American Judicature Society.

Few  can equal Judge Burke’s commitment to improving the legal system in ways that affect ordinary people, and few can equal the range  of his intellectual interests or his contributions to bringing our court system into the 21st Century.  ILI is privileged to welcome Judge Burke to the Integrative Law Institute’s  Advisory Board.

What is Neuro-Literacy and Why Should You Care?

Pauline Tesler, Family Lawyer Magazine: April 22, 2013


1. What is NeuroLiteracy and Why Should You Care About It?

A flood of neuroscience research studies (including imaging technologies as well as animal and human studies) is yielding remarkable discoveries about the workings of the human brain, discoveries that challenge core beliefs about human consciousness and rationality imbedded in our legal institutions and jurisprudence. This growing body of evidence carries potentially revolutionary implications for our day to day work as lawyers, depicting a brain that is driven not by reason, but by emotion– a brain that has changed little in 20,000 years. This article aims to introduce the practical value of this burgeoning knowledge , and the importance for lawyers of developing basic “neuro-literacy.” [2]

The sheer volume of game-changing discoveries about the workings of the human brain means there is no orderly body of knowledge for lawyers to absorb and reduce to proven practical applications. But there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the impact of these new understandings will be transformative for dispute resolution practice. Even without definitive proof, we can put these new findings to good use if they pass our personal “smell” test : if they appear plausible and potentially helpful, and if we see no likelihood of harm. The questions we need to ask before incorporating practical neuroscience applications into our daily work are straightforward and simple:

  • Does this research finding sound plausible in terms of what I know about human behavior during conflict, negotiations, and decision making?
  • Can I devise a practical way to apply this finding?
  • Do I think the application might be helpful?
  • Would trying out my idea be unethical, dishonest, improperly manipulative, or otherwise inconsistent with highest standards of practice?

2. Practical Neuro-Literacy Replaces “Naïve Realism” with “Neuro-Realism”

Emerging understandings about the workings of the human brain can (1) enrich the lawyer-client relationship (2) enhance interactions with clients and colleagues during negotiations, and (3) facilitate achieving clients’ goals during negotiations through techniques we can weave into every stage of representation. This vast terrain of potential applications cannot be explored in any depth in an introductory article. It is possible, however, to give readers a glimpse of what we have learned about some harmful effects flowing from unexamined assumptions that rational thought should be the primary way to attain clear understanding of external realty and arrive at truth. Those assumptions go to the heart of our professional identity as lawyers, and we now know that biologically speaking, they are simply wrong. We also can look briefly at how a more scientifically sound understanding of the role of emotions in our work with clients might play out in two of those three potential areas of application: the lawyer-client relationship, and interactions during negotiations. [3]

Re-tooling for neuro-literacy begins with facing the implications of “naïve realism,” a seductively simplistic habit of mind found in abundance among lawyers. Naïve realism, simply put, holds that:

  • I see reality as it actually is. My actions and beliefs are based on a sound rational interpretation of reality.
  •  Other people would share my view and actions and opinions if they had access to the same information that I have and if they have processed that information in a reasonable way, as I do.
  •  If others don’t share my views, it’s because:
    •  they have insufficient or incorrect information; if they will pay attention to my information we can reach an agreement;
    •  they are lazy or stupid—i.e., not making rational decisions based on the right information;
    • They are biased by ideology, self-interest, or some other distorting influence. [4]

In reality, research confirms that our sensory perceptions and the thinking we base on those perceptions are inherently limited and fallible. Our brains select only a very small sliver of incoming sensory data and make meaning by attempting to match the limited data to similar prior experiences. The brain approximates reality; it tells a story about the incoming data that fits with what we have encountered before. Thus, the human brain is not like a camera, but more like a film editor, making a coherent movie out of unrelated bits and pieces according to a pre-existing script. What our senses do not register is vastly greater than what they do register; before any thoughts or perceptions even hit our conscious awareness, they have been edited to cohere to the most likely similar pattern our brain has stored, minus everything that is unnecessary for the pattern to match up. In a sense, then, we perceive what we expect to perceive, and we notice as new only that which confounds our expectations in a way that triggers an emotional response. We notice the slavering dog racing toward us down the beach; we notice our own name spoken in passing in a nearby conversation that until then was meaningless buzz. We do not notice the man in the gorilla suit strolling slowly across the basketball court, because he’s not part of the game where our attention is fixed. Thus, our mantra as we embark on becoming neuro-literate might be the words of Nobel prizewinning physicist Richard Feynman: “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” We have a lot to learn, and even more to unlearn, if we are to move into 21st century lawyering based on an accurate understanding of how we, our clients, and our colleagues apprehend reality and make decisions.

Our interaction with our clients is deeply influenced by the jurisprudence in which we work. In turn, jurisprudence is founded on a theory of how people think and act—and thus, on a theory of the mind. Our legal culture is infused with a belief that the human mind is, or should be, entirely rational when it is functioning properly, and that each client is a bounded rational individual who owns a bundle of rights and entitlements that sometimes conflict with the bundle belonging to someone else. Reasoning is how the law resolves those conflicts, based on orderly presentation of sensory facts whose meaning ultimately is decided by a third party authority. Therefore, our jurisprudence is deductive, rules and norms based, and hierarchical.

Our professional identity and habits are honed to function well within that system; we work every day with assumptions about informed consent, choice, and decision making grounded in beliefs about the primacy of reason and cognition so pervasive as to be virtually invisible. This is called “thinking like a lawyer,” and when we do it, our clients and even we ourselves take on an archetypal quality in which complex individuality is subordinated. The welter of confused impressions, hopes, fears, and desires that constitute the client’s narrative and our own sensory experience of that incoming narrative are abstracted by the thinking layer of our brains into legally framed arguments based on individual rights and entitlements.

Our focus on individual rights, our reliance on argumentation, and our conviction that considerations in the emotional and relational realm have no place in our work arise from an 18th Century rationalist jurisprudence that is tone deaf to the spectrum of non-justiciable concerns that our clients care mightily about. Equating strong advocacy with strong assertion of positional arguments about rights and entitlements makes good sense in a rules-based third party decision-making model, but makes far less sense in client-centered, interest-based out of court modalities like collaborative law because collaborative law (like some modes of mediation [5]) aims exclusively at finding acceptable solutions based on client interests and values, entirely outside the courts, without any involvement of third party decision makers. We are by definition working in the realm of human (as distinct from purely legal) conflict.

It turns out Adam Smith was just plain wrong about rational self interest as the driving force for human decision making. Contrary to the assumptions of thinkers since Plato, functional MRI studies confirm that complex rational thought does not drive our behavior. Rather, every choice we make arises not from our uniquely human cerebral cortex, but from the limbic brain, the seat of emotions and a brain structure we share to a degree with all other mammals. [6] Even the choice of Cheerios or Corn Flakes for breakfast is driven by and cannot be made without emotion, the moving force and sine qua non for thought. Thus, to the extent that we rely upon 18th Century enlightenment bargaining techniques based on a naïve realist model of decision making as our frame for negotiations in a client-centered interest based model, we are using a hacksaw to do brain surgery.

3. Practical NeuroLiteracy Enriches How We Relate To Our Clients

No client, asked when the divorce began and when it ended, will ever answer by naming pieces of paper (petitions, complaints, settlement agreements, judgements). Every divorce lawyer knows that our clients experience divorce as an extended human transition of operatic dimensions, with emotionally exhausting peaks and valleys involving betrayals, bad faith, and narcissistic wounds that call into question identity, core values, and even the will to survive. At the forefront of attention for most clients are concerns fraught with emotional content (grief, loss, disappointment, anger, fear, mistrust, and the like). But for lawyers locked in an 18th Century naïve realist model for legal dispute resolution, the sole focus of negotiation is abstract legal “containers” stripped of the emotional context in which clients experience divorce-related conflict. The containers are labeled alimony, child custody, child support, and property division. For the client, an exchange of quantifiable positions about the issues under these legal rubrics leaves unnamed, unventilated, and unresolved the underlying emotional forces that drive the conflict. Our clients frequently leave such settlement processes with little or no sense of the closure or “ownership” that are the hallmarks of deep conflict resolution.

Our brains organize memory in neural pathways that include sensory data saturated with intense emotions; these patterns shape incoming sensory data to fit the pre-existing template. Every time our client recalls the bad experiences surrounding separation and divorce, a pattern in her implicit memory system is reactivated, strengthened, and altered, so that today’s painful experience merges contextually with every other similarly painful relationship experience extending back into childhood, gathering force and in a sense rewriting the story of the marriage –not only now but as it was lived previously–through the lens of pain, disappointment and betrayal. Each reactivation of this increasingly emotion-saturated narrative trope triggers involuntary physiological events throughout the body as it prepares to defend against attack. Blood pressure rises, heartbeat speeds up, cortisol floods the bloodstream. As a direct result the newer cognitive centers of the brain—located in the neo-cortex, which engages in cause and effect thinking and in imagining new solutions to old problems—go offline for as long as several hours after a triggering memory while the “fight, flight, or play dead” response plays out in body and mind. Some studies have suggested a substantial temporary drop in I.Q. of 30 points or more when a spouse experiences rejection by the former partner. Our divorcing clients are required (perhaps for the first time in their lives) to make complex and far reaching decisions about finances and parenting at a time of unprecedented and sustained stress, and for many of them, deep and wounding rejection is the context in which this decision-making must take place. We are, in other words, representing clients who may for much of the time we work with them be experiencing transient states of diminished capacity.

We cannot erase their pain, and we cannot rewrite their history; but I believe we do have a professional responsibility to understand how unrealistic , unhelpful, and biologically incorrect a rationalist decision-making model really is for distressed clients. What might change for the better if we brought practical neuro-literacy into the picture? Quite a lot. For instance, if we appreciated the reality that for the emotional brain there is little or no difference between experiencing something, imagining it, remembering it, and recounting it, and if we also appreciated the inescapable neurobiological reality that in the presence of strong emotion, the rational thinking brain will be switched “offline” for perhaps hours at a time, we would understand the importance of ensuring that no client is encouraged to make “rational” decisions soon after re-experiencing the intense emotional states invoked by recounting or recalling intense divorce-related narratives. The artistry of when and how we attend to our clients’ pain-saturated stories, and how we encourage clients to envision the goals of their divorce separate and apart from the pain of the marital breakup, can be greatly enriched by a grounding in practical neuroscience.

We can also be clear about the difference between empathy and destructive alignment or identification as we fulfill our responsibilities as effective advocates. We can reconsider how we respond when a client retells the painful history of the divorce or the most recent spat with the “ex.” If, like a litigator constructing a winning theory of the case, we align with and magnify the unhappy story, we are in a literal sense altering our client’s brain for the worse, diminishing the ability to remember anything positive, foreclosing the capacity for clear thought, and reducing the ability to entertain constructive options for the future. Instead, as neuro-literate advocates, we can learn new skills for reframing the emerging narrative into one more congruent with the client’s best hopes for the future.

When we consider new neuroscience understandings about how pain-saturated stories diminish our clients’ capacity to plan effectively for their own future and the future of their children, it is difficult to escape the conclusion that neuro-literacy is no longer optional. We do not need to be psychotherapists to learn better and more effective empathic skills that allow us to form alliances that help rather than harm angry or distraught clients; we do not need to be neuroscientists to learn how to work constructively with pain-saturated narratives to help clients return more quickly to higher-functioning cognitive states. Skills like these should constitute vital parts of the core professional education of divorce lawyers—especially those of us who choose to work in consensual out-of-court models that depend on full client engagement, and that promise a deeper and fuller kind of resolution than is available from a court

4. Practical NeuroLiteracy Enhances Interactions with Clients and Colleagues during Negotiations

In the 1990’s Marco Iacoboni, an Italian researcher, and his colleagues accidentally discovered a previously unknown neuronal function in the brains of macaque monkeys and subsequently in human brains, called “mirror neurons,” which most evolutionary neuroscientists now believe are the key to our capacities for empathy, language, and self-awareness. Subsequently, a Stanford psychologist named Paul Ekman took Iacoboni’s work to the next level by demonstrating that human beings across all languages, cultures, and levels of sophistication express and understand emotions through mirroring and reading facial expressions that are universal. Thought to be a key evolutionary advantage, mirror neurons enable all of us to “know” without engagement of any of the higher cognitive brain centers whether a person is friend or foe, happy or sad, flirtatious or disgusted, truth-teller or liar. We know what others feel by assuming the same expression and thereby simulating or mirroring in our own bodies the sensory output. We feel one another’s pain and joy in the most literal way, as an evolved biological mechanism for rearing infants and for forming and sustaining relationships and communities built on trust and cooperation—the evolutionary advantage that has allowed us to develop complex cultures. Moreover, we don’t merely read the emotional language of others; the emotional states of each of us are contagious to everyone in proximity to us, without us usually being conscious of the phenomenon.

It follows that every communication between and among the lawyers and the parties in a case necessarily carries a biologically wired emotional substratum. Lawyers unsophisticated in the workings of mirror neurons may make the well-intentioned error of allowing distressed clients to unload on one another at settlement meetings, believing there is something constructive in what they call “catharsis.” Not so, neuroscience tells us. Each client, and everyone else in the room, will simulate via their own mirror neurons the intense emotions being expressed, and will experience in their own bodies and brains the “fight or flight or play dead” evolutionary defense program that strong emotion triggers. The possibility of creative problem solving disappears, neurally speaking, for quite some time following such a “catharsis.” For clients, another round of the same old fight also reinforces the implicit memory attractor patterns that register every shred of evidence confirming the other’s unworthiness of trust and respect, while diminishing the brain’s ability to notice disconfirming evidence of good faith that does not match the increasingly charged negative pattern.

If catharsis is counterproductive, should we instead instruct clients to “suck it up,” or adopt that strategy ourselves when frustrated or angry at someone else in the negotiating room? It turns out that won’t work well, either. Our facial muscles, body language and the timbre of our voices speak louder than words, communicating our actual feelings and contaminating the environment at the table. If the feelings are there, they will be read by every brain in the room and can silently undermine trust and cooperation.

How might practical neuro-literacy help us address more effectively the eruption of negative emotion during case-related communications?

  • We can learn “self scanning,” a technique for becoming aware of how various emotions express themselves uniquely in our own bodies. This can become an early warning system, alerting us that we are becoming anxious or irritated before the emotion reaches a volume that shuts down higher level cognitive processes like planning, creative imagination, and cause-and-effect analysis.
  • With a more nuanced awareness of our emotions as they play through body and mind, we can invoke self-soothing techniques that operate at the neural level to abort emotional “hijacking” of higher brain functions. Functional brain imaging studies show that meditation and similar awareness practices can modulate the effects that otherwise accompany negative emotional states.
  • We can teach clients simple techniques to soothe and avert emotional meltdowns, many of them involving sensory inputs associated with implicit memory patterns of relaxation, trust, and other desired states. Some of those associations may be uniquely personal, such as listening to a particular piece of music or experiencing a scent associated with a particular positive memory or looking at a photograph of a beloved child, while others may be shared by most of us—the positive effects of deep breathing, soothing touch, or of endorphins generated by taking a break for a short brisk walk.

Collaborative lawyers have employed these and similar techniques for nearly two decades. Now, hard science confirms that far from being touchy-feely ideas, these techniques work because of how our brain works. Strong emotions should neither be allowed to contaminate the safe space of the negotiating room, nor be excluded from the negotiation process. Learning how to manage them constructively is part of becoming neuro-literate. [7]

5. Conclusion

At this point, you may wonder, “what on earth does this stuff have to do with lawyering?” The answer is, quite a lot.

Chief Justice Warren Burger famously observed, “The entire legal profession—lawyers, judges, law teachers—has become so mesmerized with the stimulation of the courtroom contest that we tend to forget that we ought to be healers—healers of conflicts. Doctors, in spite of astronomical medical costs, still retain a high degree of public confidence because they are perceived as healers. Should lawyers not be healers? Healers, not warriors? Healers, not procurers? Healers, not hired guns?” [8] In the same vein, Robert Benham, the first African American to serve as Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme Court, has spoken of three fundamental professions found in all civilized societies—medicine, which heals the body, the clergy, which heals the soul, and law, which properly understood heals breaches in the social fabric. [9] Justice Benham went on to describe the law codified in statutes and reflected in appellate decisions as the “floor” for acceptable behavior in a society: go below it and you encounter trouble with the law. He lauded the collaborative practice movement for encouraging our clients to explore the space between the floor—their legal rights and entitlements—and their own highest values. The emerging neurosciences offer us a rich harvest of understandings and tools to support the work these distinguished jurists have encouraged us to embrace as healers of breaches in the social fabric.

No act of will can force us, or our clients, to cease operating according to the deeply wired biological programs that are our evolutionary legacy, and there is no simple checklist of “ten easy ways to help your client stop being emotional at inconvenient times.” Becoming neuro-literate in conflict resolution work means embarking on a long and very personal process of recognizing when we are in the throes of unhelpful naïve realism, and gradually developing nuanced new skills to replace positional argumentation based on deductive logic . This is a tall order. Such retooling cannot be done alone. [10] In this regard, collaborative law, which is inherently collegial and which is built on protocols and roadmaps for sophisticated professional teamwork, represents one of the cutting edge methods for reshaping our understanding of what it means to be effective advocates in the 21st century.


[1] By Pauline H. Tesler, Certified Specialist in Family Law (State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization); fellow, American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers; Fellow, American Bar Foundation; co-founder and first President, International Academy of Collaborative Professionals; recipient of first ABA “Lawyers as Problem-Solvers” award. Ms. Tesler wrote the first treatise on collaborative law, COLLABORATIVE LAW: ACHIEVING EFFECTIVE RESOLUTION IN DIVORCE WITHOUT LITIGATION (American Bar Association, 2001, 2008), and the first book for general readers about interdisciplinary collaborative divorce: COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE: THE REVOLUTIONARY NEW WAY TO RESTRUCTURE YOUR FAMILY, RESOLVE LEGAL ISSUES, AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE (Regan Books/Harper Collins, 2006). She writes, speaks, blogs, and trains internationally about interdisciplinary collaborative practice, and about practical neuroscience applications in conflict resolution work, and consults with lawyers and law firms about expanding competency in these areas. Ms. Tesler recently founded the nonprofit Integrative Law Institute at Commonweal (“ILI”), of which she is Director. ILI’s mission is “reclaiming law as a healing profession.” ILI offers continuing education programs at the nexus where legal dispute resolution practice meets personal conflict resolution facilitation, positive psychology, neuroscience, and the other vectors that constitute integrative law. For information about forthcoming events or about ILI’s “Certification in Integrative Law” program, go to www.integrativelawinstitute.org or write to info@integrativelawinstitute.org.

[2] Collaborative lawyers work outside the court system in interdisciplinary teams that transform how the lawyers participating in them deliver services to clients. See, Pauline H. Tesler, “Informed Choice and Emergent Systems at the Growth Edge of Collaborative Practice,” Family Court Review, Volume 49, Issue 2, pages 239–248, April 2011, available online at http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fcre.2011.49.issue-2/issuetoc. See, also, Ted Schneyer,The Organized Bar and the Collaborative Law Movement: A Study in Professional Change, 50 Ariz. L. Rev. 289 (2008).

[3] An overview of the third area, facilitating achievement of clients’ goals, will have to wait for another article.

[4] From Lee Ross and Andrew Ward, “Naive Realism: Implications for Social Conflict and Misunderstanding,” Working Paper No. 48, Stanford Center on Conflict and Negotiation (May 1995), accessible athttps://www.law.stanford.edu/program/centers/scicn/papers/naive_realism.pdf, last consulted May 25, 2011.

[5] Many points in this article also apply to the facilitative and transformative ends of the mediation spectrum. The focus here is on how lawyers can provide new styles of advocacy and counsel to clients. Others may want to explore these ideas in the context of practice as a neutral.

[6] Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, A General Theory of Love (2000).

[7] Interdisciplinary collaborative team practice provides an elegant, skillful solution to the challenge of working with strong emotions, providing licensed mental health professionals in a coaching role who prepare each client for negotiating difficult issues in an emotionally intelligent manner. See, Pauline Tesler and Peggy Thompson, Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move On with Your Life(2006). The team model also provides a context in which unexamined habits of naïve realism in dispute resolution work can be highlighted and altered.

[8] Warren Burger, The State of Justice, A.B.A. J., Apr. 1984, at 62, 66.

[9] Unpublished keynote address at International Academy of Collaborative Professionals annual Forum, Atlanta, Georgia, 2005.

[10] If you are interested in embarking on that retooling process, the place to start is in an extended experiential workshop.

Neuro-Economist Paul Zak Joins Integrative Law Institute Advisory Board

Paul Zak headshot

Scholar-researcher Paul Zak, Ph.D., the man who coined the term “neuro-economics,” has joined the Advisory Board of the Integrative Law Institute. 

Zak is the founding Director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies,  and Professor of Economics, Psychology and Management at Claremont Graduate University.  Zak also serves as Professor of Neurology at Loma Linda University Medical Center. He has degrees in mathematics and economics from San Diego State University, a Ph.D. in economics from University of Pennsylvania, and post-doctoral training in neuroimaging from Harvard.  

Professor Zak’s  lab discovered in 2004 that an ancient chemical in our brains, oxytocin, allows us to determine whom to trust. This knowledge is being used to understand the basis for modern civilizations and modern economies, improve negotiations, and treat patients with neurological and psychiatric disorders.

A featured TED speaker in 2011  (his talk has had more than a million viewers), Zak has also appeared on: Good Morning America, Dr. Phil, Fox & Friends, ABC Evening News, NOVA Science Now, NPR, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Time, The Economist, Scientific American, Fast Company, Forbes, and many others.  His popular blog, “The Moral Molecule,”  is featured on the Psychology Today website.

Zak’s research about the role of oxytocin (“the moral molecule”) in economic transactions has earned him the nickname “Doctor Love.” 

Integrative Law Advisory Board and Paul Zak

Paul Zak, Doctor Love

Zak himself sometimes describes his research as “vampire economics” because of his track record of extracting blood from the bride and groom at a wedding, from Quakers before and after silent worship, from tribal warriors in Papua New Guinea as they prepare for traditional rituals, and from himself before and after skydiving attached to an instructor.  Zak measures blood levels of oxytocin under a wide variety of conditions, and his carefully designed lab experiments establish that when oxytocin rises, people behave more generously to others, and vice versa: being treated well by others prompts subjects to behave more generously and trustingly themselves.

The starting point for Zak’s astonishing research was the persistent mystery that in lab experiments, people consistently behave more generously than classical economics principles can account for. 

“A classic demonstration of this is known as the Trust Game, in which pairs of participants communicate with each other via computer terminals: they never meet, and have no idea who the other person is. Person A is given £10, then invited to send a portion of it, electronically, to person B. Person A has a motive for doing so: according to the rules, which both players know about, any money that A sends to B will triple in value, whereupon B will have the option of sending some of it back as a thank-you. According to conventional notions of rational behaviour, the game should break down before it has begun. Person B, acting selfishly, has no reason to give any money back — and, knowing this, person A shouldn’t send any over in the first place.

Yet, in trials of the game, 90% of A-people send money, while 95% of B-people send some back. Analysis of the oxytocin in their bloodstreams reveals what is going on: by sending money to person B, person A is giving a sign of trust – and being on the receiving end of a sign of trust, it emerges, causes oxytocin to increase, motivating more generous behaviour in return. And it is not just receiving free money that causes people to feel oxytocin’s “warm glow”: in other studies Zak has conducted, random windfalls don’t cause nearly so much of it to be released. What counts is being trusted: trust in one person triggers oxytocin in the other, which triggers more trustworthy behaviour, and so on, in a virtuous circle. “Well, that’s except for the 5% of people who are ‘unconditional non-reciprocators’,” says Zak, referring to the consistent minority of people who seem immune to this cycle. “What we call them in my lab is ‘bastards’.”  [Oliver Burkeman, The Guardian, July 15, 2012.]

Zak’s recent book, The Moral Molecule, explores the evolutionary and revolutionary implications of these discoveries about oxytocin’s central role in trust, goodness, and morality.  He sees oxytocin as an ancient molecule that evolved with us to help humans respond with exactly the right degree of trust and reciprocal trust in others in our social and economic transactions.  Zak’s earlier work, which you can read about in his first book, Moral Markets, established that trust is an essential precondition of economic prosperity in nations, since contracts can work only where contracting parties trust one another to follow through.  He now sees oxytocin as the biological mechanism that allows our unique large ultrasocial economies and cultures to function.  In Zak’s words, the Golden Rule—do unto others as you would have others do unto you—“is a lesson that the body already knows.” zak hug

        The implications are obvious for our work as lawyers helping clients resolve the legal disputes arising from broken human relationships.  If trust is our evolutionary legacy and advantage, and if as Zak contends in The Moral Molecule our ordinary human behavior toward one another directly impacts oxytocin levels and therefore trust and generosity, then we have available to us another big toolbox for helping our clients achieve resolution on terms that match their deepest personal values.







Professor Leonard Riskin Joins Integrative Law Institute Advisory Board


Professor Riskin teaching mindful awareness to law students
Professor Riskin teaching mindful awareness to law students

Legal Scholar,  Mediator, and Pioneer in Alternative Dispute Resolution Education Brings Unique Vision to Integrative Law Institute Board

We announce with pleasure that Leonard L. Riskin has joined the Integrative Law Institute Advisory Board.   Riskin, who is the Chesterfield Smith Professor of Law at the University of Florida Levin College of Law and Visiting Professor at Northwestern University School of Law,  brings perspective to the Advisory Board as a distinguished pioneer in teaching conflict resolution, mediation, and interest-based negotiations.

Leonard Riskin was among the first scholars to focus on the importance of self-reflective awareness practices for lawyers.  He began teaching meditation practice for lawyers in the early 1980’s, and continues to be a leader in the growing movement to bring mindfulness practice into law school education. At the University of Florida, Riskin directs the Initiative on Mindfulness in Law and Dispute Resolution, and is a Senior Fellow in the Center for the Study of Dispute Resolution.

Early in his career as an academician, Riskin  observed a “huge amount of suffering among law students, lawyers and clients,” and recognized mediation “as a way to reduce unnecessary adversarialism and suffering.” Throughout his career, he has worked to bring this perspective into mainstream law school curricula.  Riskin has won recognition from the CPR Institute for Dispute Resolution for his curricular innovation and from the American Bar Association’s Section of Dispute Resolution, which conferred on  Riskin its award for Outstanding Scholarly Work.

His research and writing have addressed a wide range of topics, from  decision-making in mediation, to the impact of mindfulness meditation on law students, lawyers and clients, to the role of emotions in negotiation. Riskin authored the law school textbook  Dispute Resolution and Lawyers.  He has taught courses on  “Conflict Management in Legal Practice” and “Advanced Dispute Resolution,” and continuing education programs for practicing lawyers on  mindfulness meditation as a means for lawyers to manage stress, handle conflict more effectively, and get more satisfaction out of their work.

Riskin is one of the first legal scholars to appreciate that lawyers and negotiators resolve conflicts not only with legal training and experience, but with the “quality of their presence.” He teaches that the fruits of mindful awareness practices are “contagious and [affect] other people’s consciousness and state of mind.” Riskin’s groundbreaking work to bring humanism into law practice enriches ILI’s focus on body-mind awareness practices as one of the core vectors of integrative law.

In these video clips, Leonard Riskin describes his philosophy and provides a window on  his influential work:




Why Seek Out Certified Integrative Lawyers?

Integrative Lawyers

Integrative Law Institute at Commonweal

The Integrative Law movement is gaining traction and is reaching out to lawyers who may not yet see the need for changing business as usual.  ILI’s workshops and programs for certifying integrative lawyers are unusual in that they aim to reach lawyers who don’t self-identify as peacemakers–lawyers who without ever meaning to may be adding to the suffering of their clients who have legal issues that arise from broken personal relationships.

In this interview from KWMR radio, ILI Director Pauline Tesler talks about ILI’s mission:  to reclaim law as a healing profession.  She explains why it can be so important to take   your personal legal issues to a lawyer who has taken the time to learn about emerging  discoveries in the biological and social sciences concerning how humans make decisions, and how we  experience and resolve conflict. In other words…to an integrative lawyer.

KWMR Radio Interview:  Pauline Tesler talks about Integrative Law


Conscious Contracting: Integrative Law for Transactional Lawyers

Lawyers in the U.S. are working on creative models for bringing transactional lawyers into the Integrative Law movement. They ask:  what if contract negotiations began with a discussion of the parties’ shared vision, mission, and values?  And what if those principles were tied in the contract itself to specific ways of addressing conflicts  that expressed those principles?  successful negotiation

Linda Alvarez, a California lawyer, sees the contract as a private, self-determined  justice system within the public justice system.  She invites lawyers to see our job as helping our clients create values-driven deals that include a framework for normalizing and addressing constructively the  disagreements and disputes that may arise downstream.

This is Integrative Law for transactional lawyers and in-house counsel, and it provides an important “preventive law” dimension to our work as humanistic conflict resolution professionals.

From Linda’s website:

“Design your own systems

Every contractual relationship is, in essence, a self-contained legal system.  The terms of the contract are the laws that the parties write for themselves and the dispute resolution provisions in their contract – whether written or unwritten – determine the justice system and process that will be used when the parties need to manage change or resolve disputes between themselves.

Their contract is a private system within a public system.  Our larger, so-called legal-justice system encompasses and impacts the workability of the private contractual system; but this larger context does not mean that the parties to a contract are powerless – unless they choose to be so.  It is, in fact, quite possible for the parties to retain a good deal of their power of self-determination and self-governance by conscious, enlightened design.

Using knowledge of the broader system, the parties can create their own structural foundations and frameworks.  Instead of cobbling together a structure from bits and pieces borrowed from or imposed by cumbersome convention and habit, they can design and implement their ideal private governance system.  Rather than using their contract as a weapons cache stockpiled in case of dispute, the parties can write a document that serves as a guide and support to their own, intentional system and structure within and with the support of the greater, conventional frame and framework.”

Integrative Law Received Enthusiastically in South Africa

Teaching Integrative Law to South African lawyers

ILI Director Pauline Tesler visited Cape Town and Johannesburg, South Africa in April at the invitation of the Centre for Integrative Law, to present workshops on “Law and the Human Brain: Neuro-Literacy 101 for Lawyers, Mediators, and Judicial Officers.”

Participants in the workshops came from a broad swath of the legal profession, including a large contingent from South Africa’s government-funded Legal Aid Society as well as lawyers from Africa’s largest international commercial law firm, Edward Nathan Sonnenbergs.

Representative comments about the workshops:

“It is an amazing eye-opener. A must attend for every lawyer.”          Bishop Kgagara, Pretoria, South Africa

“What a refreshingly new and dynamic insight into our staid profession. You are to be congratulated for having the courage of your convictions in introducing Pauline to our fraternity here. Her presentation skills and enthusiasm for her groundbreaking approach are remarkable and very infectious.” ~ Nick Muller, Director – Dispute Resolution, Cliffe Dekker Hofmeyr Inc., South Africa, 2013 

“Every lawyer should attend this seminar.  It is that simple.  What Pauline Tesler has done is condense much of the latest findings of neuroscience in a format which is both content-rich and palatable. Attending this seminar will not only give you another set of perspectives through which to view the entire legal profession, but a remarkable insight into human behaviour and how law is practiced in this context.” Wendy Ward, lawyer, South Africa, 2013

 A brilliant presentation. Absolutely amazing and remarkable! Very interesting and informative.”          Hajra Siddi Ganie, Mount Edgecombe, South Africa

“Of vital importance- should be taught and required legal studies and at university!”          Mariette Kruger, Johannesburg, South Africa


Sharon Ellison partners with ILI for Certification in Integrative Law

I want to tell you more about Sharon Ellison, one of ILI’s new “certification partners.”  Certification partners are individuals or organizations offering continuing education programs that match so well with ILI’s mission and with our lawyer certification program (in terms of quality, content, and integrative significance)  that their educational programs will ordinarily be accepted for purposes of ILI’s Certification in Integrative Lawyering. (For more about ILI’s certification program, click here.)

Sharon Ellison

Sharon Ellison

Sharon has created a remarkable communications system called “Powerful Non-Defensive Communication.”  PNDC teaches how to recognize and alter the aggressive and defensive content embedded in what we say and how we say it.  Sharon’s method teaches refined techniques for asking genuinely curious questions that cause listeners to think  and that often make them want to answer, for themselves as well as for the questioner.

Lawyers have been flocking to Sharon’s training programs and workshops like bees to flowers, because her work provides essential core skills that we lawyers need if we are  to facilitate constructive, client-centered, interest-based, out-of-court dispute and conflict resolution.  Whether we are lawyer-mediators or collaborative lawyers, we are grounded in professional legal training that treats questions as just another weapon we use in service of winning.

When we shift to out-of-court modes of dispute resolution, we lawyers bring that adversarial toolbox along with us.  Cognitive biases being what they are,  it can be challenging even to see just how much we use  questions to  persuade rather than to inquire. As psychologist Abe Maslow said long ago, “if the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems tend to resemble  nails.”

Sharon’s trainings open lawyers’ eyes, helping us see the extent to which we –often unintentionally–ramp up conflict by the way that we speak. She teaches concrete methods for peeling away the aggressive and defensive content of our questions so that they become tools for discovery of new information.  I can’t recommend her courses and workshops highly enough for lawyers who are serious about making the shift away from adversarial methods and toward constructive facilitation of deep resolution.

You can view Sharon’s calendar here.  Two programs coming up soon are worth considering:

1.  The Disarming Power of Questions

Webinar Description: Learn and practice more than a dozen formats for asking questions that can enhance our power to disarm defensiveness and get to the heart of an issue quickly, opening up the kind of genuine conversation that can lead to deeper resolution and connection. More Complete Information . . .

Dates: Tuesdays: Jan 29, Feb 5, Feb 19, Feb 26, March 5, & March 12, 2013
Times: ~ 4-6 pm Pacific ~ 5-7 pm Mountain ~ 6-8 pm Central ~ 7-9 pm Eastern
Length: Each of the Six Sessions ~ 2 hours
CEUs:  Available for MFTs and LCSWs (12 hours) / Credits also available toward certification in Integrative Law

Workshop Price: $385.00 (Partial Scholarships Available– Register Now! Special 2 person offer Workshop Price: $670.00 – Register Now!  To make payment arrangements other than by credit card, contact Sharon directly.

2.   National Conference of Women’s Bar Associations: The Leadership Workshop for Professional Women~ An innovative women’s leadership training for women attorneys as well as for women in other professions

Date: Friday, February 8 & Saturday, February 9, 2013
City: Dallas, TX
Place: Embassy Suites Hotel, Dallas Market Center
Conference Overview: The focus is to build leadership skills that increase economic strength and collaboration among women across professional boundaries. Unlike most other conferences, this one is structured so that each speaker will present to and/or work with the whole audience. The cost is also very reasonable.  Sharon Strand Ellison will be one of the five speakers and and she says, “I’m extremely impressed with the kind of power, creativity, and integrity the other four speakers possess ~ and excited to learn from them. I hope you’ll consider attending this exceptional conference on women’s leadership and share the information in your own community of colleagues and friends.” For a More Complete description of the conference and speaker bios, click here ..
To register: 
click here.